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Hump Day Confession

Last night, I TURNED OFF THE BABY MONITOR.

Liam is a great sleeper – knock on wood – he always has been. Sometimes he sleeps a straight 9 hours at night (bless you, sweet baby), but most nights, he’s up once or twice for a diaper change and to nurse. We have a decent routine, and even when I have to get up twice, I’m used to it.

Well, last night, for whatever reason, I was exhausted. It may have had something to do with the extreme amount of fried food I consumed at a coworker’s birthday lunch that day… may have….
Wake up No. One: 12:45 pm. New diaper – eat – back in crib – talk to self for about 10 mins – boom–back asleep. 
Wake up No. Two: 3:30 am, and I was just not having it. I remember in my sleepy-stupor, I turned off the baby monitor (which I always do before I go in his room, so my husband doesn’t have to hear Liam crying, etc.). Well, I didn’t realize until Brady (husband) shook me in a panic, that I had fallen back asleep with the monitor off. We could hear lots of noise coming from Liam’s room. Our immediate reaction was a moment of slight panic. 
I quickly turned the video monitor on and there he was – sitting up perfectly in his crib, singing/babbling to himself and playing with his wubbanub (the most awesome pacifier ever invented – it has a stuffed animal sewn to it so baby has something to grab onto/play with. If you don’t have one, get one! Or, four….).
“I should go feed him… he’s a growing baby…. EH. He seems fine. I don’t want to get up.” 
So I turned the monitor off again and went back to sleep. 
Unless you have been a new mom before, you can’t possibly understand how extreme that action was and the bravery that goes along with it. I TURNED THE MONITOR OFF AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP. 
For the first time in Liam’s almost eight month’s, I just let him do his thing in the middle of the night, didn’t interrupt, didn’t try to soothe him with nursing… and I did it all without the fear that some creepy night-man, fighter of the day-man (It’s Always Sunny Reference) would come and eat my child. 
I am proud. I am awesome. And my kid can party all he wants in his crib at night, and from here on out, I will just turn the monitor off and get more sleep. Yay, me! 
P.S. If that It’s Always Sunny Reference was lost on you, I have no words. Educate thyself, or forever be lost in my blog references, because there will be many more. 
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"I like turtles…" Err, I mean swimming.

“I LIKE SWIMMING!” – says, Liam. 

Oh wait, nope – no, he doesn’t. While I wish this enthused and almost psychotic picture of my child demonstrated his excitement about his second swimming lesson, alas, it does not. This picture is probably more accurate:
“Swimming’s…. ok.”

Second swimming lesson – in the bag. Confessions/takeaways/things I learned:
1. Baby will scream less if he naps before said swimming lesson that is schedule during his morning nap. Yeah, me! I give myself brownie points.
2. Holy cow swimming pool…. warm up the shallow end… when even I’m nipping out, it’s not wonder my son is not impressed. 
3. Besides warming up the water, it’s best to warm up your baby as well to the idea of going under the water. Instead of just dunking him over… and over… and over again, this time, I didn’t put him under the water until the very end. I let him hold onto me as much as he liked. I worked on helping him be comfortable in the water. Who knows if he actually remembers any of last week’s water trauma (scuba baby, ring a bell?) but Liam was very hesitant about the water until the very end of class. And that’s when I did it – on the very last sing-a-along song I dunked him quickly and gave him lots of hugs and praise. And guess what? He didn’t cry. 
I’ll have my Nirvana baby before you know it…
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The swimming lesson debacle…

A while ago, I decided I wanted Liam to be one of those babies that can swim. Not a typical baby that flaps its arms around in the pool and laughs, but like the baby on the Nirvana album – only less naked. So I looked for the type of swimming lessons where they literally throw the baby in the water, its primal instincts kick-in, and voilà! The baby swims! Yeah… there aren’t lessons like this within 300 miles of where we live. Booo!

Ok, so plan B:

I signed Liam up for “mommy-and-me” type swimming “lessons” at one of the local pools. He’s been in water before — two lakes, and bathtime (yes, I do clean my child) — so I figured he’d at least have fun. Last Saturday was the first lesson:

Confession #1: To onlookers, it may have looked like I was nonchalantly drowning my child. We were instructed to hold baby on their tummies and let them kick and “paddle” the water. Liam’s having a blast… I’m having a blast…. and apparently I am completely oblivious because another parent points out to me, “Your baby’s face keeps going under and he’s breathing in water.” Oh shit! I pick Liam up and he’s coughing, choking, spitting water. Oops. My reaction? “You’re fine, baby.”

Confession #2: I apparently don’t know when to stop. We move to the “deep” end of the pool and the instructor (a teenage boy, mind you) tells us to sit our babies up on the side of the pool, count to three, and then quickly dunk them under the water. I look at the instructor and ask “Really? Put them under?” He nods. Why this even phased me, I have no idea because my original swimming lesson plan was to hire someone to just chuck my kid into the pool… Whatever – so what do I do? I dunk my baby under water. He was not impressed. Looks at me all wide-eyed. Hmmm. I continue to set him on the side of the pool and dunk him like three or four more times thinking to myself, “He has to try new things! He will learn to like it!”

Well, he is REALLY not impressed by this and starts screaming. I look around… only some of the parents are dunking their kids… and those kids are all older, like two years old. Yeah…. maybe it’s time to rethink my strategy here. He’s only 7 months old… he’s got plenty of time to swim…

So from this point on I feel like a jackass. My baby is not having anymore of the swimming lessons. He just wants to lay on my shoulder and whimper. This is when I realize I’m really a jackass because I have scheduled him in swimming lessons during his nap time. “Go me.” If this isn’t enough, I submit my child to one last torture – during the song “Three Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed,” the instructor makes his rounds and lightly tosses each child into the air before handing them back to the parents. Liam really loses it then. I not only became “that mom” with the screaming child in public, but it was all my fault! Ahh!

The guilt that followed this is unimaginable. The Facebook community assured me Liam won’t remember a thing about it… the next swimming “lesson” is tomorrow… we shall see. Hopefully I have not scarred my child and hopefully none of the other parents remember me as the horrible mother who dunked her infant.

Did your infant take swimming lessons? Did you dunk them underwater? Hoping I’m not alone in this type of “doi!” moment.

I leave you with another picture of Liam “swimming.” This is not from the swimming lesson, but rather months before when I decided I really wanted him to swim in the baby pool. As you can see, he was again, unimpressed.

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Hi. I have no idea what I’m doing.

Welcome to my first blog post: I have no idea what I’m doing. Both in blogging and in parenting. I wish myself luck on both accounts.

I’m Liam’s mom. He’s adorable and funny and totally cuddly and warm. Unlike many moms, I don’t feel like I lost my identity when I became a mom, or anything like that. I’m still completely who I am – and in true Molly-style, I’m flying by the seat of my pants with this whole mom-thing. I didn’t read any parenting books – I’ll never be a “Pintrest” – mom (never even been on Pintrest)- and I lost track of how many weeks old my baby is months ago. (He was born 3/5/13. I don’t do math). I decided to start a blog to document my “doi!” moments with parenting. Because they happen a lot:

– The first time Liam got sick: I remember he wouldn’t sleep that night, and I kept thinking “wow! He feels so hot!” Did I put two and two together that my baby had a fever? Of course not. I even sent him to daycare the next day only to get a call an hour later that he had a fever of 102.3. I’m awesome.
– When my son was 5 weeks old, I thought I broke his penis. Enough said.
 – Around 5 months into parenting, my husband asked me if we should be concerned our son wasn’t speaking yet. This is more his “doi” moment than mine, but I’m not going to say I didn’t consult the internet just to be sure he was completely fine…

Most recently, however, we had the swimming lesson debacle. I’ll post on that later, because I’m going to keep these posts short. But look forward to the swimming lesson post. Seriously. For now, I leave you with a little picture of me and Liam.