The Evolution of and Uses for my BOOBS
Before my son was born, my boobs had two uses:
1. Sexual (don’t blush please, we are all adults); and
2. Looking awesome. And they did.
Pre-baby and pretty much since high school, I had perfect 36DD’s. When I was younger, I loved shoving those babies up in a push-up bra, they looked damn good and made me feel damn good. 🙂
Now that Liam is here, my boobs have blown up into some non-human size (prepare yourself: 36j/k) and evolved to serving a very good purpose – keeping my kid alive. And they do this well. He’s alive. He’s kickin’. He’s roaming around the ‘hood (our living room). My boobs are not for me anymore. They are not for my husband (at least not exclusively). They are for Liam and have evolved into many more things and many more uses than what I listed above.
The Many Uses for My Boobs (Through My Son’s Eyes)
Now, before I launch into the uses, I think it is important to explain that when Liam is hungry, watch out. Emotions erupt with ferocity. Thus, Brady and I have coined a few terms to describe his hunger moods:
Hangry – when Liam is so hungry, HE’S ANGRY!!
Tungry – when Liam is hungry, but also tired.
Now that his little personality is developing, not only do his emotions come out vocally more often , but through his actions as well. Thus, I give to you, the many uses for my boobs (through my son’s eyes):
1. Boobs are for yelling at. When Liam is hangry, he’ll often nurse with vengeance, pulling off often to look me right in the eye and yell at me, only to launch back into the boob again and chug-a-lug.
2. Boobs are for swatting at – pinching – hitting. Yeah, they’re really not, but Liam likes to attempt these things and will get away with it if I’m off my game. But I’ve gotten accustomed to trapping his free hand between his little body and mine, so as to safeguard myself from hangry attacks.
3. Boobs are for comfort. Man – there is no baby comfort quite as instant and soothing as a boob. No searching for a paci, no running around trying to find “that special toy” – baby is upset? Here’s a boob. Happy? Why, yes, thank you for asking.
4. Boobs are for biting and teething… oh wait, nope, they actually aren’t’, my son just thinks that they are. You might think this happens when he’s hangry, but you would be wrong. He bites when he’s done eating and he’s being playful – it’s often accompanied with a sly little smile that very eerily reminds me of my husband being a smart-ass. If I’m not paying enough attention, I am susceptible to little razor teeth. However, this has gotten better – I’ve probably been bitten only around four or five times. The minute that little dude chomps down, I put him down and walk away. He’s learning pretty quickly: bite the milk-makers, no milk for you. End of story.
I hope you enjoyed hearing all about boobs. Probably not what you were expecting. I’m over it.
You might be wondering, do I mourn the loss of my perfect boobs? No – they are now working for the greater good. If you’re a nursing mom, how do you feel? I often hear mothers say they want their body back, that they are sick of sharing it – I can’t blame them – I totally get it – life is much simpler when your boobs only have two uses. But there is something about the many uses I listed about that makes me confess that motherhood is not what I expected, everything I wanted, and hard and awesome all at the same time. If that means my body’s use evolves, so be it. Because in the end, how can you refuse this face!?