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Food-wuss

I’m a food-wuss. Not when it comes to me, I like a lot of different types of food, but when it comes to Liam. Major food-wuss.

We started him on solids when he was around seven months old… he loved food immediately and ate pretty much everything. Being the food-wuss that I am, I pureed EVERYTHING before giving it to him: carrots, peas, sweet potatoes, avocado – you name it, I threw it in the blender before he got it.

I was finally pushed out of my comfort zone with Liam-feeding when my awesome daycare provider pointed out that Liam really liked picking food up and feeding himself. So we “graduated” to small pieces of food. Like minuscule. Teeny-tiny-ity-bity. With this level of precaution, one would assume I had witnessed my child choking before. Nope – never choked, never even gagged. I’m just a major food-wuss.

So we are finally to the point where Liam can eat pretty much anything we can eat. Obviously we are staying away from things like peanuts until he is a little older, but everything else is game-on. Our awesome daycare provider tells me about what Liam eats for lunch and snack and I’m so proud of him! He destroys things like salsa, veggie pizza, and chicken pot pie. He hates carrots and grapes, but he’ll eat his weight in sauerkraut. What a weirdo.

So he eats an awesome variety of healthy food at daycare, but at home, I’ve been a major wuss. Liam goes to bed at 7pm and I’ve found it’s just easier for Brady and I to wait and eat after he goes to bed. That way I can actually sit down and enjoy my meal without feeling like I have to eat really, really fast while policing the amount of Liam’s food that goes in his mouth, on his head, or on the floor. It’s just easier.

And that’s where I ran into trouble and did something really stupid.

Because it was easier, and because I hate cooking (so spoiled to have a culinary King for a partner)I started buying Liam these little pre-made baby meals. They had a bit more sodium in them than I liked, but overall, I didn’t think it would hurt him to eat one a day. They came in varieties like chicken & stars with veggies, mac & cheese with peas, and these cute little raviolis.

Sign number one should have been when my awesome daycare provider texted me “these baby meals smell like cat food. lol.”

My response? “Baaahahaha LOL!” Stupid. Just stupid.

I continued to feed these things to Liam at least once a day for a month. It wasn’t until today when my idle little mind started doing a bunch of research on Autism because I’m a freak and of course worry constantly about Autism rates and my little bugger even though Liam shows no signs or warnings of the disorder – AHHH! Take a breadth – that I stumbled upon information about how processed foods like this are not the best for babies and small kids. *Note – I do not think processed foods cause Autism. I just happen to stumble upon the article about how processed foods are not the best for babies while searching for Autism info. 🙂 Moving on –

WELL DUH!

I have no excuse. Zero. Absolutely no excuse. My husband used to be the manager and lead health & wellness/fitness instructor at a kickboxing gym. We’ve both followed “clean eating” and an exercise regime for over five years. WE don’t eat processed food. So why the heck was I feeding it to Liam!?

Because it was easier. And because I was terrified of the transition to normal human food – not just that Liam would choke, but stupid fears such as:

  1. Can babies eat onions?
  2. Will the wrong combination of cooking spices kill him?
  3. If Liam eats spicy food, will he fart fire and burn his poor little ass?

Stupid fears.

Well, time to suck it up and move on. I’ve basically been feeding my kid cat food for a month. EFF! So tonight, chili it is! For one, for all, for Liam!

 

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Stinky-stink-eye

Before I was a parent, I always thought it was so cliché — “a mother’s love” — “unconditional love.” I was an idiot. It is so true. And it’s super weird to me that I can love this little person so, so much and I hardly even know him.

You might think, “of course you know your son!” But you would be wrong. I am just getting to know him – because he is not himself yet – he is growing, changing, and developing everyday. I see little sneak peaks and small aspects of his personality, but as far as “knowing him” the way I know other people (my husband, for instance) – I don’t know Liam at all.

But that’s why this is awesome. I get to know him as he’s getting to know himself. 🙂

Something I know that I know about him… and I think he already knows too, is that he’s really good at the stink-eye: the WTF look as displayed below when I stopped during his wagon ride to take his picture.

stinky eye 2

I can just hear his inner monologue: “What the hell mom!? I was having fun! Forward, march!” Sorry, buddy – I make the rules, and the mommarazzi just will not stop.

*Kisses*

 

 

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“You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants!”

Thank you, Billy Madison.

In that case, consider my kid the coolest! Actually, he’s cooler than cool. Because this morning, he gave me a whole new experience.

Liam sings when he wakes up in the morning. It is the sweetest thing. He was singing as usual when I went in his room to get him today but he also stunk. Bad. Most days, if I’m lucky, he saves his first poop for when he’s at daycare, and our awesome daycare provider gets to deal with it (baaahahah) – well, this morning, he woke up just smelling awful. So I laid him on the changing table and started taking him out of his cute little polar bear footie pajamas. And that’s when it happened.

I grabbed his leg to pull it out of the jammies and I kid you not – it was coated in poop. EEEWW!

I made a really loud, disgusted noise while fighting my gag reflex and poor Liam got scared and started to cry. You’re probably thinking, “Big deal! Babies have blow-outs all the time.” Well, mine doesn’t! I love, love, love our BumGenius Freetime Cloth Diapers because they are seriously like poopy-traps. This was our first blow-out… in 12 months…. not bad, but because it was the first, I was not prepared for the magnitude of gross that came along with it.

I used like half the wipe container to clean him up while he happily played with a little cardboard box I handed him for distraction. When I thought I was done, oh no… there was more. He had pooped out both sides of his diaper and it had collected in the feet of his footie pajamas. Holy. Shit. He had poop between his toes.

In hindsight I probably should have thrown him in the bathtub quick, but that right there is an oxymoron – there is no “quick” bath. Baby wipes did the job and he went on to daycare happy as a clam. And I survived cleaning up poo-pocalypse while keeping the dogs from getting at the nasty diaper and jammies. Go me.

#winning?

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A tale of two toddlers

This past weekend I took on an entirely new first-time mom challenge: I watched two toddlers at one time.

HOLY. COW.

Currently, Liam and I don’t do much on the weekends besides play and drink coffee. He does the playing, I do the drinking. We can’t wait until it warms up outside so we can run in the jogger, bike, and go to the playground more consistently. Anyway – because we don’t do much of anything, when I was asked to watch a friend’s toddler for a few hours while she was in a bind, I did not hesitate to say “yes.”

And then, I panicked.

Only slightly, but still, pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. Two small people who cannot fully communicate, use a toilet, or keep themselves alive were going to be in my care. How do I prepare for this!?

I acted fast – ran around the house “toddler-proofing.” I used chairs to barricade the living room exits so I could corral Liam and his playmate in one room. I moved anything I thought our sweet little visitor would want to get into (she is 18 months old versus Liam’s 12 months and quite an advanced little thing). I changed Liam’s diaper, even though he’d only be in it for like 45 minutes, simply because I didn’t want to have to deal with the horror of keeping one toddler alive whilst changing the other.

Can you tell I’ve never watched two toddlers at once before?

I’m proud of myself. No one lost a finger. Or bled. And my friend’s toddler was returned to her smiling and fully clothed. But I did learn a few things:

Three Things I Learned From Two Toddlers

  1. They are helpful. Very, very helpful. She was so sweet – she kept bringing pacifiers to Liam, only he didn’t want them. She’d put it right in his face and he’d bat it away. I watched this go on for ever. It was pretty entertaining.
  2. They speak their own language. There are many word-like sounds that come out of their mouths accompanied by lots of gestures and over-the-top facial expressions, but no comprende. And then WHAM, like out of no where, comes a perfect and very directly spoken word: MINE! 🙂 This was good prep for what I should expect soon from Liam.
  3. Do not give an 18-month old a bowl of broccoli. Or a bowl of anything, for that matter. They will tip it over or dump it out, and then tell you “No!” because you obviously should have known better than to give it to them in the first place. Touché, toddler, touché.

Another thing I learned from having two toddlers at once – I never want to have two of my own toddlers at once! For those moms out there who have kids close in age, you must be clad in tights and a cape – well done. That is all.

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Things my kid figured out how to do this week

I know this is so cliche, but it really does feel like Liam went from a baby-blob to a real-life-small-human overnight. He turned one last week and since then, he is non-stop, ready to party and is coming up with new party tricks every day.

I give to thee….

Things my kid figured out how to do this week

  1. Run
  2. Run with a spatula
  3. Run with a spatula and a WubbaNub
  4. Run with a spatula and two WubbaNubs   On the go 2
  5. Run and touch a spatula to things
  6. Run faster
  7. Push open and pull closed doors
  8. Open the lid of the toilet
  9. Open the lid of the trash
  10. Kick a ball intentionally
  11. Walk in circles around said ball when he misses it and can’t figure out how to put it in his path again
  12. RUN
  13. Point to things
  14. Point IN things – i.e. my mouth, my nose, his ears
  15. Laugh in the most weird, funny, creepy and unnerving way – he almost sounds like a gremlin
  16. Run while laughing in said creepy way
  17. And my favorite, break dance in his crib. Don’t ask, cuz I just don’t know. This is a screen shot of a video I took of our baby monitor when Liam was dancing (he was supposed to be napping). I’d post the actual video, but I’m cheap and don’t want to pay $79 to upgrade my blog for this capability. Sorry! The photo of Liam “standing on his head” will have to do. 🙂

break dancing

 

What have I done this week? Run after him. 🙂

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Oh, the places I’ve pumped…

Four days ago, I said goodbye to my breast pump. Liam is now more interested in big boy things, like this cupcake on his birthday.

birthday cupcake

So after one year and two days — 367 days total — the pump and I have parted ways. Actually, my pump is chilling in my car, just in case I need it… but I haven’t, and it’s awesome. It is now my sidekick, not my partner – BOOM.

For those who may not know… pumping is essential for a nursing, full-time working mother. Breast milk is all about supply and demand – the demand for it (i.e. how often baby nurses or how often you pump) affects how much milk you make. Since I work and am away from my baby five days a week for eight hours a day (40 hours per week – eek! That is SO much), I had to pump to make sure I had enough milk for Liam at daycare, and to keep my supply up for nursing at home. But it’s not just about supply and demand… it’s about comfort. A nursing mom’s boobs are essentially like water balloons – if you don’t empty them from time to time, either via baby or pump, ooohhhheeemmmgeeee they just keep filling and trust me, you don’t want them to burst.

Many of you are probably thinking, “This is a baby blog! Of course readers know about nursing and pumping!” – EHHH! You would be wrong. I know for a fact that right now dozens of high school English students from my alma mater are reading this blog as a classroom assignment (insert evil laugh here… I can only imagine what 17 year old boys must think of this). Shout out to Dr. Nygaard – BEST. TEACHER. EVER.

Moving on.

Well, pumping has come to an end, and thus, to both celebrate the freedom and to honor my pump (seriously, I could not have survived without it) I give you:

The Places I have Pumped

  1. A marketing materials closet at work. It locked from the inside, but it was oh-so awkward when people would try to turn the handle to come in and they knew that on the other side I was topless, just milkin-away.
  2. In public bathrooms – office buildings, gas stations, restaurants, you name. Doesn’t sound awkward until you consider the absolute silence of those places that is awkward enough when someone is pooping… but consider the “swish swish” sound of my pump and people thinking “WTF is that noise.” It was always awesome too when someone else WAS pooping in the stall next to me…
  3. A utility and server room closet at work that was also the home to two dead cockroaches. I named them Crunchy and Mr. Roach.
  4. Airport bathrooms – one of my favs, NOT. Dirty. Gross. Only benefit, LOUD, so no one heard my pump. But holy crap, can they make the stalls any more narrow!?
  5. In the back seat of a car while my coworker was driving us back from an out of town meeting. At least she was another mom, but pretty sure she got a partial show.
  6. In the car while road-tripping it across state lines. We figured out pretty quickly that family road trips went MUCH faster if I pumped in the car and just gave Liam a bottle in his car seat, rather than stopping every two hours for me to nurse him. I know for a fact that more than one semi-driver got a little pick-me-up while we drove by.
  7. In the back of a moving car while at a bachelorette party. This just felt so wrong on so many levels. You do what you gotta do.
  8. And my personal favorite, in airplane bathrooms, mid-flight, while traveling for work. I always asked the flight attendant if it was ok for me to use the bathroom for 10-15 minutes before I went in and started up the pump. I wanted to be courteous to the other passengers, and I didn’t want the flight attendants to think I was either a) dying in the bathroom; or b) doing something illegal. Most flight attendants were cool with this. One lady gave me a hard time: “Where is your baby? Do you HAVE a baby?” she asked with one eyebrow raised in a skeptical and judgmental way… I wanted to say, “Yo, bitch – if my baby was with me, I wouldn’t need to pump.” But instead, I just explained I was traveling for business without my child. She still insisted on checking out my pump. Seriously!? TSA didn’t even give me slack about traveling with two coolers of breast milk. Good grief.

So there you have it – my adventures in pumping have come to an end. I’m glad I stuck with it. I’m glad I had those experiences. But now I’m glad I’m free. And that I can say I’m part of some sort of “mile-high” club. Whoop!

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Mean Mommy

Anyone else laugh when their kid has fallen down? Yup – I did this. I am mean mommy.

Liam’s new obsession is pushing doors closed and then pulling them open. He obviously is not tall enough or skilled enough to use the door handles yet, so he pushes the door as close to being closed as he can without latching it, then re-positions himself to pull it open again.

It’s pretty entertaining to watch him do this, over… and over again. He’s gotten good at figuring out where to move his little body so he is out of the door’s path.

Daddy, however, hasn’t figured this out. 🙂

Yesterday I was chilling in the bathroom with Liam as he played his door game (no, I wasn’t using the toilet – rather sitting on it watching Liam – come on, people!). He had the door almost all the way closed and was re-positioning himself to open it again. That’s when Daddy tried to walk in.

The door hit Liam smack in the middle of the head and he fell backwards into a sitting position.

I immediately burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. It was like something you see in a cartoon, it happened so perfectly.

Liam wasn’t hurt and continued about his business, but I just couldn’t stop laughing. So I guess I’ve become that mean Mom that cracks up at her child’s misfortunes. Please tell me I’m not alone. 🙂