I miss my brain cells

Twice this week, I looked in the mirror at work and realized my shirt was on inside out. Three times I went to unzip my fly in the bathroom only to find it was already down and open. And four times, I ran back in the house while trying to load Liam, myself and all of our “things” into the car because I of course forgot something. All of these things lead me to this one, very important question:

When will I get my brain back after baby?

Liam is a full-blown toddler! He’s closer to being two than he is to being a baby. Yet my baby-brain remains, which (for all you non-believers out there) is a very real thing.

Just ask my husband: This morning as I attempted to pack up chili to bring to work for my lunch, I looked between the crock-pot and my Tupperware and asked him, “How do I get this out of here?”

HELP. ME. I miss my brain cells.


Toddler Drug Deals

If you blush easily, don’t read on. You’ve been warned.

So, this morning I’m doing my usual rush to get dressed for work while Liam toddles around the bedroom checkin’ things out, drinkin’ milk – just chillin’. I turn around and notice he is not only holding, but shaking, a small bottle of Astroglide that he grabbed from a bedside table (I warned you!). My first thought should have been “Uhh… we don’t play with adult things” but honestly, I thought only two things:

  1. Damn, that’s sticky.
  2. How the fuck did he get so tall?

Bottom line: it was not something that should be in toddler hands.

He’s at the age where I can no longer just grab things from him – he melts down into freak-city. Can’t blame him. I’d be pretty pissed if someone just took things out of my hands, too.  So, I did what any amazing mother would do – I grabbed a bottle of Tylenol that was on the bedside table and arranged a trade with him. (Full disclosure: The bottle had a child-proof lock and I did check to make sure it was on properly before giving it to him and I traded him a monkey for the bottle before we left the bedroom).

But, YES – I traded Tylenol to my toddler for Astroglide. I’m not sure it gets any better than this.